This idea came to me as I was reading a symbolic book of Irony. It was almost as though I wanted to get to a Romantic world. This piece is just an idea of the Stream of Life. Please Leave Comments.
I walk down the lightening path
As kayaks run down the stream
The fish jump
And the snails inch their way across the stream floor
The water crashes up against the rocks
As the sticks slowly float down the stream
The leaves float down from their trees
To the ground they fall
The tree's leaves turn red and orange
as little of them are green
It's like the joy of a light
and the warmth of a fire
I walk down the narrow path
Trees surrounding
The rocks crackle as the leaves crunch beneath my feet
With every intent of stopping my journey to happiness
All of life flows
With life's end in the question
And so many living things
Rejoice that they are still alive
And I walk down the path
And sit on a rock
As I slowly take a dip
In the Stream of Life
I really like the title it is an interesting start to this poem. Overall it is really good! The one thing that you may want to change is in the third stanza when you say, "as little of them are green," I wouldn't use the "are" there it just seems like it throws the rhythm off a little bit but really nice job!
ReplyDeleteThis is a cool poem! I like the way you take a stream to represent life. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteI love the ending! I like how you put different ideas into each of the things that you see. If that makes any sense at all. The only thing, might be that for some of the stanzas you have like an ending to the stanza, and some you are just describing something. I don't know if you could do something else with that. Really good job though.
ReplyDeleteGreat poem, Chandler. I could tell you might have attempted to incorporate a closed form, but some stanzas didn't keep in flow. However, I like how you compared a stream to life. Great job!
ReplyDelete