Lines for Winter
Tell yourself
as it gets cold and gray falls from the air
that you will go on
walking, hearing
the same tune no matter where
you find yourself --
inside the dome of dark
or under the cracking white
of the moon's gaze in a valley of snow.
Tonight as it gets cold
tell yourself
what you know which is nothing
but the tune your bones play
as you keep going. And you will be able
for once to lie down under the small fire
of winter stars.
And if it happens that you cannot
go on or turn back and you find yourself
where you will be at the end,
tell yourself
in that final flowing of cold through your limbs
that you love what you are.
The Flickering Light
Look at life
As everything dies in the dark night
That you will not go
Rather move on
And keep following your heart
Where it takes you
And keep moving forward
and that you don’t look backward
But rather look forward to the next minute
And make the next moment
Worth much more
And make this moment greater
Than the moment before
And keep that in your memory and use that
As motivation for your next bad moment
And keep moving
And if you cannot keep moving on
You just turn back and realize that
As you look back, you are great,
And move
For as long as you can until you can't move
You always loved your life
Okay first... your poem reminded me of when you sang in the concert at PLE about "This little light of mine". But anyways, I think that you took a risk in not following the pattern of Strand's poem but by portraying the meaning in yours. However, I think in the end it all worked out and you were able to successfully do that and create a meaningful piece.
ReplyDeleteI really like how this poem is one big stanza of phrases. It flows really great and is easy to read. I like how you still kept to the same idea of how Mark was writing but I like how you added some of your own ideas to it. Great job.
ReplyDeleteIt was really cool how you decided to reflect on the meaning of the poem instead of doing the exact replica of the poem like most people did. I thought your poem did capture the meaning and, like Abby said, flows really well. The only thing I would suggest is not starting so many lines with "and" because it seemed like there were a lot. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you decided to follow the meaning of the poem instead of the style. This was an interesting poem, but next time try to find different words besides "and"...
ReplyDeleteI agree with Hannah- you did say 'and' a lot. But it flowed together really well! Great job! :)
ReplyDeletei thought it was neat that you not only followed the structure of the poem by writing with the same amount of syllables with each of the lines, you also captured the meaning of the poem and used it to your extent by sending a message though. I agree with Abby too that the whole thing being one big stanza filled with lines is very intriguing and appealing to the eye.
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