Author's Note: I meant to post this a couple of days ago but really lacked on my revision standpoint. This is my last response to The Truman Show. I wanted to do a poem because it seemed like a good topic to do a poem on unlike the first post I did on The Truman Show. I am trying to leave it in open forum but closed forum for this piece. Please leave feedback and comments.
The Stage so bright
as the lights go up
and the spotlight
shines down right on you
you are the star
but you don't know it
your normal life
is a show
you are on the stage
with a bunch of actors
but those actors control you
and your every movement
you are a puppet
in their show
but you are living you life
or so you thought
every step you take
is spotlighted on T.V.
but you don't know
you are in the spotlight
they play your life
like its as important as a pawn
and you have no decision
in what you do
but you keep going along
like you are living
but the real fact is
your life is nothing but a stage
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The Power Within
Author's Note - This is a response to The Truman Show which we watched in class the other day. Control was one of the themes that was expressed with Truman not knowing where to turn. His world is a controlled world where he has no say in what happens. Not even his own actions. He is controlled to the point where it's as if he can't think for himself but rather have other people control his own subconscious.
Control is something that takes us into a new world that we've never experienced in our life. We work to get control. Control is the goal in life to everybody and is a way of human life. But the extent is what takes us way overboard. We work so hard to gain control that it not only screws up our life, but the people around us. A promotion is gaining more control. But to get there is the real journey. When we get a promotion, it's not as much of a good thing, but rather something that can ruin ours and other people's lives forever.
Gaining control is more of a requirement than a desire. When we gain control, it almost feels like we are being manipulated to a point in which we are taking control of things we don't even want to be a part of. While getting to higher places, we don't realize what we've actually done to get there until we get there. When you look back at the destruction you made, you realize that what you have gotten to does not outweigh the destruction you've made. We grasp onto what we are told to do and do not let go. If we don't please, we are thrown under the bus and are disrespected for the rest of our lives.
Fear drives us to control. With control, comes fear of losing control. With every move that we make, fear strikes our brain into thinking that if we do not keep pushing through and gaining more control, we will not succeed. Fear is the destructive nature in the world. Fear drives the people that do the destruction. When we keep moving every day and what makes our decisions us fear. We look at the world and have this sense of being not good enough and fear strikes us that if we do not keep destructing, we will destruct our self. When fear drives us towards control, we have done the ultimate sin by following. When we follow fear, we have stooped to somewhere that we can never be released. Fear and control take a grip on our life and never let go. When control overwhelms us, we are driven to destruction and never go back.
Control is something that takes us into a new world that we've never experienced in our life. We work to get control. Control is the goal in life to everybody and is a way of human life. But the extent is what takes us way overboard. We work so hard to gain control that it not only screws up our life, but the people around us. A promotion is gaining more control. But to get there is the real journey. When we get a promotion, it's not as much of a good thing, but rather something that can ruin ours and other people's lives forever.
Gaining control is more of a requirement than a desire. When we gain control, it almost feels like we are being manipulated to a point in which we are taking control of things we don't even want to be a part of. While getting to higher places, we don't realize what we've actually done to get there until we get there. When you look back at the destruction you made, you realize that what you have gotten to does not outweigh the destruction you've made. We grasp onto what we are told to do and do not let go. If we don't please, we are thrown under the bus and are disrespected for the rest of our lives.
Fear drives us to control. With control, comes fear of losing control. With every move that we make, fear strikes our brain into thinking that if we do not keep pushing through and gaining more control, we will not succeed. Fear is the destructive nature in the world. Fear drives the people that do the destruction. When we keep moving every day and what makes our decisions us fear. We look at the world and have this sense of being not good enough and fear strikes us that if we do not keep destructing, we will destruct our self. When fear drives us towards control, we have done the ultimate sin by following. When we follow fear, we have stooped to somewhere that we can never be released. Fear and control take a grip on our life and never let go. When control overwhelms us, we are driven to destruction and never go back.
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Flickering Light
Author's Note - The Poem on the top is called "Lines for Winter" by Mark Strand. I tried to write it with the same number of syllybuls in each line as his original poem, but my main goal was to make a poem that captures the meaning of the first poem. The meaning of this first poem is that there is that you push through every day and make the next better. That nothing can stop you and done drone on the bad in life, but rather push through and make every moment worth while. Make every moment better than the last and that when you die, you will not regret anything because what you did in life, was all with a meaning and all part of a great life. I hope you enjoy my poem.
Lines for Winter
Lines for Winter
Tell yourself
as it gets cold and gray falls from the air
that you will go on
walking, hearing
the same tune no matter where
you find yourself --
inside the dome of dark
or under the cracking white
of the moon's gaze in a valley of snow.
Tonight as it gets cold
tell yourself
what you know which is nothing
but the tune your bones play
as you keep going. And you will be able
for once to lie down under the small fire
of winter stars.
And if it happens that you cannot
go on or turn back and you find yourself
where you will be at the end,
tell yourself
in that final flowing of cold through your limbs
that you love what you are.
The Flickering Light
Look at life
As everything dies in the dark night
That you will not go
Rather move on
And keep following your heart
Where it takes you
And keep moving forward
and that you don’t look backward
But rather look forward to the next minute
And make the next moment
Worth much more
And make this moment greater
Than the moment before
And keep that in your memory and use that
As motivation for your next bad moment
And keep moving
And if you cannot keep moving on
You just turn back and realize that
As you look back, you are great,
And move
For as long as you can until you can't move
You always loved your life
Monday, April 4, 2011
Another Day Another Penny
You think you have it hard. You have no idea. A new name, Walton Jeffers, added to the wall of shame. That’s me. I have never been the popular or attractive kid in the school; not all that smart either. Nothing to do but be ashamed of having my name on the wall of shame. That’s what they call it at our school. I’m not always beaten up but have been the victim of some bully attempts. Today was the worst. Five swirlies, twice thrown into the trash cans, literally thrown, and my name on the wall of shame... for the 24th time and its only the third month of school. This time was the worst. It wasn’t even my fault. I was just fighting to get away from the sixth swirlie. They finally decided to stop.
Mama’s going to be so mad. My best shirt with a bunch of toilet water all over it. I thought eighth grade was going to be the best year of my life. So far it’s my record for least number of times written on the wall. By this time last year, it was 26. But I’m sure those jerks will change that in a hurry. Those jerks just won’t give up no matter how loud i scream or how many times i use those stupid bullying reports. Sure those bullying reports will get them a detention or two but that surly makes them want to bully me more. Those stupid teachers have no idea what really goes on around here.
My parents are going through a divorce and my mom has been struggling to keep the house up and running. I never really have lived in an “expensive” house. Just a two story apartment. I’m not complaining at all. I’m just pointing out facts. Last time I did my homework was last year. I don’t get the point of homework. I don’t see the point of school either. The world is going to end in 2012 anyways, why should anybody care about learning or the future. Because there is no future.
I got home from school to finally find a happy mother. This was quite a surprise with the divorce and everything but I defiantly wasn’t complaining. She was talking on the phone with her best friend Jenny. She’s almost as bad as those jerks when my mom isn’t around; but its been one of the only things that is keeping her sane through the divorce so I haven’t told her.
Crap. Here comes my dad. There goes a good after noon with a pleasant mother. I really hate my dad. Did I ever tell you how they met. Vegas.I bet you find that such a surprise considering how well the two years they’ve been together have been for all three of us. A soon as i saw him walking up the sidewalk i turned and went to my room, the only peaceful place in the house besides my superman comics in the living room. It’s actually quite a good time to dig your head into one of those things. I’m on volume 6 out of all 101 volumes. Greatest comics ever. So far I’ve also read batman and Garfield. All of the volumes of each and the whole of them aren’t near as good as superman.
Thank God, i just saw Jimmer walking down the street to my house. That means i have an excuse to get out of the house before all of the fighting starts. Whoops my bad it already has. The doorbell, my favorite thing besides my comics. I guess I won’t bother their “debate” and i will just get the hell out of here and go play some basketball and video games with Jimmer. God, with Jimmers basketball talents I can’t believe he hasn’t left me for the popular peeps.
Well Jimmers house is a long walk away and it was already getting dark so we decided to skip basketball and went straight to the elite cartoon violence of the Nintendo 64. It’s 2011 for God sake and I still don’t have an Xbox. Talk about old technology. I can’t even afford a Nitendo 64 for Christ’s sake. I found mine in a garage sale that I passed on my way home from school one day for ten bucks. I had eleven. With my mom’s salary the way it is, we’ll be lucky to keep the house. Looks like I’m going to have to get a job at a fast food place. That way my mom doesn’t have to pay for food and I can help with the bills.
I only went over to Jimmer’s for about an hour. His dad was too lazy to get his fat butt off the couch and drive me home and my mom can’t afford to drive anywhere unneeded so i walked home, another time that is very peaceful for me. My dad is moving all the way out to West Virginia on Monday and I’m stuck in this dump with my mom in New York. I’m just glad that I can still stay with my mom. There’s no way I would have lived if I would have had to stay with my dad. I actually have a piece of mind with my mom.
But back to my story. I only went over to Jimmers for an hour because his dads stupid girlfriend got home and we didn’t want to be around with her there. I asked Jimmer if he wanted to come over if my dad was gone and he said he was going down to the local ice cream place where he knows a nice guy who will let him sleep in the shop for a while. Anyways, when I got home my mom and dad, since I have to call him that, where still fighting so I ran in, grabbed a new superman comic and ran to my room to hide away. Then all hell broke loose. My dad came storming up the steps screaming, i was so scared i almost pissed myself. My mom was screaming “I swear to God if you hurt him i will stab you in the head.” I ran to try to lock the door but I was too late he burst into the door.
He was clearly drunk, that made me even more scared, I knew his tiny moral compass was now completely gone. My mother came sprinting up the steps my dad turned around and she started screaming the most vulgar insults she could push past her lips, and while she was doing that he returned the favor. While they were having their insult war I ran past them and down the steps and out the door. I had just made the decision, I was running away.
I walked downtown and found that ice cream parlor and figured i could spend some time there with Jimmer. I walked in and found him in the back eating some kind of ice cream, it looked good. I sat down and told him what happened and he said I could stay with him for at least a few nights. We took a short nap, in separate booths of corse; I wouldn’t want you to think I was fruity or anything. After we woke up we started to walk back to his house, it was pitch black and he doesn’t live in the best neighborhood so we jogged back and went in through the back door. We decided to sleep downstairs in the living room tonight.
The next morning, I woke up and looked at the clock. It read 7:00. I woke Jimmer up with haste because school starts at 7:30 and we ran to my house to grab my stuff and ran all the way to school. Within the first thirty minutes of school, I had gotten my name written on the wall twice, two wedgies, and just happened with my luck, stepped in dog crap. Well lunch didn’t look to bad except I was sitting alone, again. Jimmer has a different lunch hour than me so I just sat in the corner and ate my mashed potatoes and some meat hat looked like it had gotten rolled in llama fur.. Luckily I only got hit with three or four peas from the jerks table, but one got stuck in my ear. after lunch I went out to recess, a no man’s land for people like me. I sat down in the grass and started to pick at my elbow while reading my Superman comics. Then the jerks came over with some mud from the baseball field. You can guess what happened next. I went in early from recess to try to wash myself off before math class, the worst class of the day. I’m in the dumb math class with all of the jerks. They just sit there and pelt me with spit balls made of paper from their notebooks while my blind math teacher, Mr. Rivers, stares at the board thinking were taking notes on what he’s teaching us. He’s clueless.
The final bell. My favorite sound of the day. But then again, my least favorite at the same time. The final bell means the end of school but open season on my face if I don’t get out of school in five minutes. Jimmer met me at my locker at about 2:48 and we sprinted out of school, just to find all of the jerks waiting for us on the playground. I definitely wasn’t faster than them but Jimmer’s house was only three blocks away. Not saying his dad would care if we got beat up but the people chasing us don’t know that. We sprinted down the block going through twigs and a bunch of other stuff that was in our way. There was a tree that had fallen from the lightening storm late last night. Jimmer was at least ten feet ahead of me and wasn’t looking back. I tried to hurdle the tree and my pants got caught and ripped right off. Story of my life.
After fighting the tree for my pants we started to walk back to Jimmers house. The jerks that were chasing us were too busy laughing to follow us so we had nice walk the rest of the way to Jimmers if you consider getting laughed at by twenty people nice. But at least we weren’t getting beat up. When we got there all the doors were locked so we decided to take a walk to my house. When we finally got there my dad was still there, or he just got there, either was horrible. He was having a major hang over just to add onto it. But just as you thought he wasn’t drunk, he got another one out of the fridge. What a surprise.
Jimmer and i went in through the front door and ran downstairs to get a Coke. We switched on our 30”x30” T.V. and watched some Sportscenter before going to get another coke. Then we played the Nintendo 64 for a while and then Jimmer had to go home... and I was stuck with my dad. My mom was gone for the night. She had to work until midnight and my dad had to stay with me until then. My mom should have just realized that I’m safer without my dad there. Jimmer invited me to come but you guessed it, my dad said no and made me go to bed. It was only 6 o’clock and I hadn’t eaten dinner yet. I guess no dinner for me tonight. Oh well. I snitched a couple of the super man comics and read them until around 9 o’clock and finally went to bed.
The next morning, I woke up not to my alarm but the screams of my mom. I couldn’t tell where it was coming from but I could tell it wasn’t good. I went downstairs to the living room where my dad was drunk still and my mom was in the corner. I didn’t know what to do so I tackled my dad and punched him in the face a couple of times until he threw me off him and ran to his car and drove away. Thank god he hadn’t stayed there. That would have been horrible. After that, my mom had decided to never let my dad within a 100 foot radius of the house. She was thinking about going to court with it but had no evidence of anything that he had done so she would surely lose.
Jimmer moved to this school about two or three months ago. That was when I had no friends at all. We ran into each other in the hallway and asked me if I wanted to go over to his house. At first I denied and said no but later that day said yes. We walked to his house and played Nintendo 64. That was the day we became friends. That’s slowly changing. People are finally recognizing that he’s amazing at basketball. Even better than those filthy jerks. We use to hang out every day. It’s starting to turn into every other day. He’s actually hanging with some of the soccer players but they’re not too popular. I think I’m just over-reacting though. He’s still my best friend. But then again, he’s my only friend.
When I got home my mom was there and had my “dinner” ready for me. I feel really bad for her. My dad has been so mean to her and she’s losing money. She’s applying for cooking school so that she can go into a cooking business instead of serving people at Applebee’s. She said I had to take her job while she was going to school. It shouldn’t be too hard. But the dinner was actually pretty good. It was the best dinner I had had in a while. I had potatoes, tomatoes, a peach, some sort of cereal, and a glass of milk. I usually get about two carrots, ten peas, and cereal. My mom is actually a great cook. I don’t know why she won’t just apply for a job right now. She needs the money and what does she have to lose.
After dinner, I just went right up to my room and read a little bit of the 11th volume of superman and then went to bed. I was really tired. My mom wants to put me in a depression institute but you know, I really don’t care if I’m depressed. That might be half the reason why I’m depressed. But I was thinking that whole night about how we need money. I thought I was about to puke after dinner tonight. The Captain Crunch was stale and the milk was rotten but I have to eat something. I just went straight to bed hoping that I wouldn’t puke in my sleep and feel a little bit better the next morning.
I met Jimmer at the bus stop the next morning and guess who was there with him. All of those jerks. I was about to take Jimmer and pull him out of there because I thought he was being bullied but when I got over there, he was talking to them about basketball. I knew he was gonna become friends with them sooner or later because of basketball. I asked him if he wanted to come sit with me on the bus but he was already gonna sit with the stupid jerks he is soon to call friends. As soon as I turned around I heard footsteps and started running. I felt a barreling round fist right in the center of my spine and went down hard. I looked up and the bus was there. I got up and started to run towards the doors but they closed and the bus started to roll away.
I knew right then Jimmer was gone. He was friends with those jerks. That piece of crap. I hate him. Just because he’s good at basketball he ditches me for some jerks. I got to school and he came over to my locker and apologized. I wanted to just go off on him but I retained my anger. I realized that it was only one time. I accepted his apology and was thinking that it would never happen again. How dumb am I. The next hour I was at my locker and down the hallway comes Jimmer with his best friends the stupid jerks. They threw me in the trash can and ran away. I can’t believe Jimmer would do that to me. I thought that we would be friends forever. What was I thinking.
I walked home by myself that day and realized that Jimmer was no longer my friend. I’m not quite sure if he was ever my “friend”. All of this crap whirling around really irritates me. I guess I’m going back to the days when I didn’t have any friends. Oh well. I survived then, I can survive now........ hopefully.
I got home that night and ate Captain Crunch with no milk. I learned that lesson the hard way. I puked last night. I learned that in the morning when there was white stuff with tan spots all over my pillow. One of the worst days ever. I would have to say that this has been the worst week ever though. With all of this stuff that has been going on, it’s been the worst week ever. And that’s saying something.
I got done with my bowl of Captain Crunch and saw my dad walking up the sidewalk. He looked kind of wobbly and I ran to tell my mom right away. She said to lock all of the doors and shut all of the shades on the windows. I ended up going up into the attic and looking through a tiny window we have up there. I also listened through a hole in the wall. I made that when I was trying to clean out the attic. I found a hammer and tried to throw it in a box and it missed and hit the wall. I guess it turned out to be a good hole to make after all.
He knocked on the door and was calling for Jane. My mom’s name is Mary. I don’t think he was stable in his mind. He had a beer in his hand. Who knows what number that one was. After he stood there for at least five minutes, he walked away down the stairs, turned around, ran up the steps, and ran into the wall. You could hear a loud bang. It was definitely loud and clear but the wall didn’t move at all. He tried that three times and finally finished his beer and threw the bottle at the wall and walked away.
After that my mom went to the door and looked out to find him gone. It was Saturday so I didn’t have to go to school, but the day was still ruined due to the fact that I have no friends and that little outburst. Just to add onto it, it is Saturday which means my dad doesn’t have work. Which also means he’s free for the whole day. He doesn’t have anywhere to go either. He lives in a box on the sidewalk because he’s waiting for his house to be built. It’s a really nice house. He’s really high in his work and has a job that pays a lot. I don’t know if anybody has found out about his drinking problem and I don’t know if anybody will ever find out. He’s always sober on the weekdays but on weekends, he is wild.
Since the day that Jimmer and I were friends, we made a pact to always be friends. It was even written in Volume 31 of my Superman comics. It could not be broken....... at least that’s what I thought. I’ve always wanted a best friends but I never had one until about two days ago... not anymore. That stupid jerk just ditched me for kids that have bullied him since the day they found out he was my best friend. It’s all a bunch of crap. But oh well. Just have to move on.
After all that, I just went and took a nap on my couch. Bad decision. I woke up and found my cat had peed all over my face and on my clothes and was taking a nap on my face. I only have three hairballs stuffed in my mouth. They tasted like a carpet with mud all over it. I guess I can’t blame on anyone but me. Just adds onto my day. I shot up off the couch and quickly ran into the bathroom and puked in the toilet. Or at least I tried to puke in the toilet. I made it to the door and it just came pouring out. Half of it was on the floor and the other half was in the toilet. My mom made me clean it up. I ran upstairs and grabbed a little doctor’s mask that I got when a doctor came into my second grade classroom and I won it for answering a question right. I was tempted to throw it away right then. Good thing I didn’t because I need it now.
After I cleaned it all up, I had a bowl of cereal. I forgot to wash my hands. I kind of ruined the bowl of cereal after a hairball and a piece of hairy ham dropped into my bowl. I would have gotten another bowl but I lost my appetite after that I just called Jimmer then. He came over and I talked to him about the whole basketball player thing. He said that he was just getting information on the tryouts and stuff like that. I believed him. Or at least that’s what he thinks. Really, that’s crap. There’s no way it was “just about basketball.” He hasn’t talked to me the past two days at school and every time I see him, he’s with those jerks.
What’s the point in life? To me that’s just a question I think about a lot these days. And to me, that’s a fairly useful question to think about. You can end it any time and sometimes, that seems like a better choice than to live. I don’t know if I want to be here or in hell. I’m not even sure that I’d go to heaven if I did die. That’s ok. The devil will be a better friend than Jimmer. That’s what brings me here. I wanted to write this as a review of why I am about to do what I am about to do. I have no friends, I get bullied every day, and everything that I do ends up a failure. If what is about to happen really cures that, then that is what I will do. With all of this crap that I have and with my life the way it is, I pull the trigger.
Mama’s going to be so mad. My best shirt with a bunch of toilet water all over it. I thought eighth grade was going to be the best year of my life. So far it’s my record for least number of times written on the wall. By this time last year, it was 26. But I’m sure those jerks will change that in a hurry. Those jerks just won’t give up no matter how loud i scream or how many times i use those stupid bullying reports. Sure those bullying reports will get them a detention or two but that surly makes them want to bully me more. Those stupid teachers have no idea what really goes on around here.
My parents are going through a divorce and my mom has been struggling to keep the house up and running. I never really have lived in an “expensive” house. Just a two story apartment. I’m not complaining at all. I’m just pointing out facts. Last time I did my homework was last year. I don’t get the point of homework. I don’t see the point of school either. The world is going to end in 2012 anyways, why should anybody care about learning or the future. Because there is no future.
I got home from school to finally find a happy mother. This was quite a surprise with the divorce and everything but I defiantly wasn’t complaining. She was talking on the phone with her best friend Jenny. She’s almost as bad as those jerks when my mom isn’t around; but its been one of the only things that is keeping her sane through the divorce so I haven’t told her.
Crap. Here comes my dad. There goes a good after noon with a pleasant mother. I really hate my dad. Did I ever tell you how they met. Vegas.I bet you find that such a surprise considering how well the two years they’ve been together have been for all three of us. A soon as i saw him walking up the sidewalk i turned and went to my room, the only peaceful place in the house besides my superman comics in the living room. It’s actually quite a good time to dig your head into one of those things. I’m on volume 6 out of all 101 volumes. Greatest comics ever. So far I’ve also read batman and Garfield. All of the volumes of each and the whole of them aren’t near as good as superman.
Thank God, i just saw Jimmer walking down the street to my house. That means i have an excuse to get out of the house before all of the fighting starts. Whoops my bad it already has. The doorbell, my favorite thing besides my comics. I guess I won’t bother their “debate” and i will just get the hell out of here and go play some basketball and video games with Jimmer. God, with Jimmers basketball talents I can’t believe he hasn’t left me for the popular peeps.
Well Jimmers house is a long walk away and it was already getting dark so we decided to skip basketball and went straight to the elite cartoon violence of the Nintendo 64. It’s 2011 for God sake and I still don’t have an Xbox. Talk about old technology. I can’t even afford a Nitendo 64 for Christ’s sake. I found mine in a garage sale that I passed on my way home from school one day for ten bucks. I had eleven. With my mom’s salary the way it is, we’ll be lucky to keep the house. Looks like I’m going to have to get a job at a fast food place. That way my mom doesn’t have to pay for food and I can help with the bills.
I only went over to Jimmer’s for about an hour. His dad was too lazy to get his fat butt off the couch and drive me home and my mom can’t afford to drive anywhere unneeded so i walked home, another time that is very peaceful for me. My dad is moving all the way out to West Virginia on Monday and I’m stuck in this dump with my mom in New York. I’m just glad that I can still stay with my mom. There’s no way I would have lived if I would have had to stay with my dad. I actually have a piece of mind with my mom.
But back to my story. I only went over to Jimmers for an hour because his dads stupid girlfriend got home and we didn’t want to be around with her there. I asked Jimmer if he wanted to come over if my dad was gone and he said he was going down to the local ice cream place where he knows a nice guy who will let him sleep in the shop for a while. Anyways, when I got home my mom and dad, since I have to call him that, where still fighting so I ran in, grabbed a new superman comic and ran to my room to hide away. Then all hell broke loose. My dad came storming up the steps screaming, i was so scared i almost pissed myself. My mom was screaming “I swear to God if you hurt him i will stab you in the head.” I ran to try to lock the door but I was too late he burst into the door.
He was clearly drunk, that made me even more scared, I knew his tiny moral compass was now completely gone. My mother came sprinting up the steps my dad turned around and she started screaming the most vulgar insults she could push past her lips, and while she was doing that he returned the favor. While they were having their insult war I ran past them and down the steps and out the door. I had just made the decision, I was running away.
I walked downtown and found that ice cream parlor and figured i could spend some time there with Jimmer. I walked in and found him in the back eating some kind of ice cream, it looked good. I sat down and told him what happened and he said I could stay with him for at least a few nights. We took a short nap, in separate booths of corse; I wouldn’t want you to think I was fruity or anything. After we woke up we started to walk back to his house, it was pitch black and he doesn’t live in the best neighborhood so we jogged back and went in through the back door. We decided to sleep downstairs in the living room tonight.
The next morning, I woke up and looked at the clock. It read 7:00. I woke Jimmer up with haste because school starts at 7:30 and we ran to my house to grab my stuff and ran all the way to school. Within the first thirty minutes of school, I had gotten my name written on the wall twice, two wedgies, and just happened with my luck, stepped in dog crap. Well lunch didn’t look to bad except I was sitting alone, again. Jimmer has a different lunch hour than me so I just sat in the corner and ate my mashed potatoes and some meat hat looked like it had gotten rolled in llama fur.. Luckily I only got hit with three or four peas from the jerks table, but one got stuck in my ear. after lunch I went out to recess, a no man’s land for people like me. I sat down in the grass and started to pick at my elbow while reading my Superman comics. Then the jerks came over with some mud from the baseball field. You can guess what happened next. I went in early from recess to try to wash myself off before math class, the worst class of the day. I’m in the dumb math class with all of the jerks. They just sit there and pelt me with spit balls made of paper from their notebooks while my blind math teacher, Mr. Rivers, stares at the board thinking were taking notes on what he’s teaching us. He’s clueless.
The final bell. My favorite sound of the day. But then again, my least favorite at the same time. The final bell means the end of school but open season on my face if I don’t get out of school in five minutes. Jimmer met me at my locker at about 2:48 and we sprinted out of school, just to find all of the jerks waiting for us on the playground. I definitely wasn’t faster than them but Jimmer’s house was only three blocks away. Not saying his dad would care if we got beat up but the people chasing us don’t know that. We sprinted down the block going through twigs and a bunch of other stuff that was in our way. There was a tree that had fallen from the lightening storm late last night. Jimmer was at least ten feet ahead of me and wasn’t looking back. I tried to hurdle the tree and my pants got caught and ripped right off. Story of my life.
After fighting the tree for my pants we started to walk back to Jimmers house. The jerks that were chasing us were too busy laughing to follow us so we had nice walk the rest of the way to Jimmers if you consider getting laughed at by twenty people nice. But at least we weren’t getting beat up. When we got there all the doors were locked so we decided to take a walk to my house. When we finally got there my dad was still there, or he just got there, either was horrible. He was having a major hang over just to add onto it. But just as you thought he wasn’t drunk, he got another one out of the fridge. What a surprise.
Jimmer and i went in through the front door and ran downstairs to get a Coke. We switched on our 30”x30” T.V. and watched some Sportscenter before going to get another coke. Then we played the Nintendo 64 for a while and then Jimmer had to go home... and I was stuck with my dad. My mom was gone for the night. She had to work until midnight and my dad had to stay with me until then. My mom should have just realized that I’m safer without my dad there. Jimmer invited me to come but you guessed it, my dad said no and made me go to bed. It was only 6 o’clock and I hadn’t eaten dinner yet. I guess no dinner for me tonight. Oh well. I snitched a couple of the super man comics and read them until around 9 o’clock and finally went to bed.
The next morning, I woke up not to my alarm but the screams of my mom. I couldn’t tell where it was coming from but I could tell it wasn’t good. I went downstairs to the living room where my dad was drunk still and my mom was in the corner. I didn’t know what to do so I tackled my dad and punched him in the face a couple of times until he threw me off him and ran to his car and drove away. Thank god he hadn’t stayed there. That would have been horrible. After that, my mom had decided to never let my dad within a 100 foot radius of the house. She was thinking about going to court with it but had no evidence of anything that he had done so she would surely lose.
Jimmer moved to this school about two or three months ago. That was when I had no friends at all. We ran into each other in the hallway and asked me if I wanted to go over to his house. At first I denied and said no but later that day said yes. We walked to his house and played Nintendo 64. That was the day we became friends. That’s slowly changing. People are finally recognizing that he’s amazing at basketball. Even better than those filthy jerks. We use to hang out every day. It’s starting to turn into every other day. He’s actually hanging with some of the soccer players but they’re not too popular. I think I’m just over-reacting though. He’s still my best friend. But then again, he’s my only friend.
When I got home my mom was there and had my “dinner” ready for me. I feel really bad for her. My dad has been so mean to her and she’s losing money. She’s applying for cooking school so that she can go into a cooking business instead of serving people at Applebee’s. She said I had to take her job while she was going to school. It shouldn’t be too hard. But the dinner was actually pretty good. It was the best dinner I had had in a while. I had potatoes, tomatoes, a peach, some sort of cereal, and a glass of milk. I usually get about two carrots, ten peas, and cereal. My mom is actually a great cook. I don’t know why she won’t just apply for a job right now. She needs the money and what does she have to lose.
After dinner, I just went right up to my room and read a little bit of the 11th volume of superman and then went to bed. I was really tired. My mom wants to put me in a depression institute but you know, I really don’t care if I’m depressed. That might be half the reason why I’m depressed. But I was thinking that whole night about how we need money. I thought I was about to puke after dinner tonight. The Captain Crunch was stale and the milk was rotten but I have to eat something. I just went straight to bed hoping that I wouldn’t puke in my sleep and feel a little bit better the next morning.
I met Jimmer at the bus stop the next morning and guess who was there with him. All of those jerks. I was about to take Jimmer and pull him out of there because I thought he was being bullied but when I got over there, he was talking to them about basketball. I knew he was gonna become friends with them sooner or later because of basketball. I asked him if he wanted to come sit with me on the bus but he was already gonna sit with the stupid jerks he is soon to call friends. As soon as I turned around I heard footsteps and started running. I felt a barreling round fist right in the center of my spine and went down hard. I looked up and the bus was there. I got up and started to run towards the doors but they closed and the bus started to roll away.
I knew right then Jimmer was gone. He was friends with those jerks. That piece of crap. I hate him. Just because he’s good at basketball he ditches me for some jerks. I got to school and he came over to my locker and apologized. I wanted to just go off on him but I retained my anger. I realized that it was only one time. I accepted his apology and was thinking that it would never happen again. How dumb am I. The next hour I was at my locker and down the hallway comes Jimmer with his best friends the stupid jerks. They threw me in the trash can and ran away. I can’t believe Jimmer would do that to me. I thought that we would be friends forever. What was I thinking.
I walked home by myself that day and realized that Jimmer was no longer my friend. I’m not quite sure if he was ever my “friend”. All of this crap whirling around really irritates me. I guess I’m going back to the days when I didn’t have any friends. Oh well. I survived then, I can survive now........ hopefully.
I got home that night and ate Captain Crunch with no milk. I learned that lesson the hard way. I puked last night. I learned that in the morning when there was white stuff with tan spots all over my pillow. One of the worst days ever. I would have to say that this has been the worst week ever though. With all of this stuff that has been going on, it’s been the worst week ever. And that’s saying something.
I got done with my bowl of Captain Crunch and saw my dad walking up the sidewalk. He looked kind of wobbly and I ran to tell my mom right away. She said to lock all of the doors and shut all of the shades on the windows. I ended up going up into the attic and looking through a tiny window we have up there. I also listened through a hole in the wall. I made that when I was trying to clean out the attic. I found a hammer and tried to throw it in a box and it missed and hit the wall. I guess it turned out to be a good hole to make after all.
He knocked on the door and was calling for Jane. My mom’s name is Mary. I don’t think he was stable in his mind. He had a beer in his hand. Who knows what number that one was. After he stood there for at least five minutes, he walked away down the stairs, turned around, ran up the steps, and ran into the wall. You could hear a loud bang. It was definitely loud and clear but the wall didn’t move at all. He tried that three times and finally finished his beer and threw the bottle at the wall and walked away.
After that my mom went to the door and looked out to find him gone. It was Saturday so I didn’t have to go to school, but the day was still ruined due to the fact that I have no friends and that little outburst. Just to add onto it, it is Saturday which means my dad doesn’t have work. Which also means he’s free for the whole day. He doesn’t have anywhere to go either. He lives in a box on the sidewalk because he’s waiting for his house to be built. It’s a really nice house. He’s really high in his work and has a job that pays a lot. I don’t know if anybody has found out about his drinking problem and I don’t know if anybody will ever find out. He’s always sober on the weekdays but on weekends, he is wild.
Since the day that Jimmer and I were friends, we made a pact to always be friends. It was even written in Volume 31 of my Superman comics. It could not be broken....... at least that’s what I thought. I’ve always wanted a best friends but I never had one until about two days ago... not anymore. That stupid jerk just ditched me for kids that have bullied him since the day they found out he was my best friend. It’s all a bunch of crap. But oh well. Just have to move on.
After all that, I just went and took a nap on my couch. Bad decision. I woke up and found my cat had peed all over my face and on my clothes and was taking a nap on my face. I only have three hairballs stuffed in my mouth. They tasted like a carpet with mud all over it. I guess I can’t blame on anyone but me. Just adds onto my day. I shot up off the couch and quickly ran into the bathroom and puked in the toilet. Or at least I tried to puke in the toilet. I made it to the door and it just came pouring out. Half of it was on the floor and the other half was in the toilet. My mom made me clean it up. I ran upstairs and grabbed a little doctor’s mask that I got when a doctor came into my second grade classroom and I won it for answering a question right. I was tempted to throw it away right then. Good thing I didn’t because I need it now.
After I cleaned it all up, I had a bowl of cereal. I forgot to wash my hands. I kind of ruined the bowl of cereal after a hairball and a piece of hairy ham dropped into my bowl. I would have gotten another bowl but I lost my appetite after that I just called Jimmer then. He came over and I talked to him about the whole basketball player thing. He said that he was just getting information on the tryouts and stuff like that. I believed him. Or at least that’s what he thinks. Really, that’s crap. There’s no way it was “just about basketball.” He hasn’t talked to me the past two days at school and every time I see him, he’s with those jerks.
What’s the point in life? To me that’s just a question I think about a lot these days. And to me, that’s a fairly useful question to think about. You can end it any time and sometimes, that seems like a better choice than to live. I don’t know if I want to be here or in hell. I’m not even sure that I’d go to heaven if I did die. That’s ok. The devil will be a better friend than Jimmer. That’s what brings me here. I wanted to write this as a review of why I am about to do what I am about to do. I have no friends, I get bullied every day, and everything that I do ends up a failure. If what is about to happen really cures that, then that is what I will do. With all of this crap that I have and with my life the way it is, I pull the trigger.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The Fire of Life
Author's Note - This poem is about a piece of art at the museum. The lion staring off into the sunset made me inspired to write about how fire and heat bring things to life. This piece is a very romantic piece of art. It involves live and power. This piece includes romantic pieces such as the lion. There is also life symbolism in this piece. This poem includes interesting coinciding objects such as fire and life. Please leave your comments and improvements.
Life flourishes
on this graceful earth
with sprinkles of hope
in the fire of life
The trees bud
and the flowers show
their beautiful colors
in the fire of life
The city gleam
with hope and joy
for every child's home
has the fire of life
The forest sings
with life beneath
With the dancing of the trees
in the fire of life
All animals in harmony
As they talk about peace
with the love possible
in the fire of life
People look
for gleaming light
and they find above
the fire of life
The clouds may cover
the heat of the sun
but they cannot overtake
the fire of life
The flowers dance
with the grass walking freely
and all made possible
with the fire of life
And the love of life
with the joy of happiness
that nothing can cover
the fire of life.
Life flourishes
on this graceful earth
with sprinkles of hope
in the fire of life
The trees bud
and the flowers show
their beautiful colors
in the fire of life
The city gleam
with hope and joy
for every child's home
has the fire of life
The forest sings
with life beneath
With the dancing of the trees
in the fire of life
All animals in harmony
As they talk about peace
with the love possible
in the fire of life
People look
for gleaming light
and they find above
the fire of life
The clouds may cover
the heat of the sun
but they cannot overtake
the fire of life
The flowers dance
with the grass walking freely
and all made possible
with the fire of life
And the love of life
with the joy of happiness
that nothing can cover
the fire of life.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Experience to Innocence
We’ve all heard of the transition from innocence to experience but only exiguous amounts of people have heard of the gruesome trip from experience to innocence. We all make the transition sometime in life from innocence to experience but there’s always that feeling of wanting to go back. Holden Caulfield is on this trail trying to go from experience to innocence but lives too far in the experienced world, that there is no way of crawling back.
Holden is your regular school boy. His family makes an honest living and he lives in school dorms with his roommate Stradlater. He has already been kicked out of school and is now being kicked out of his current school Pency. He is failing every class but one. He doesn’t seem to care though. He has already lost his will of living. He feels as though his importance on the earth is nothing but a speck of dirt. He has lost his innocence and doesn’t quite where to turn. He doesn’t have an idea of what he wants or needs to do. Holden is homeless on the streets with nobody to turn to for advice but two old teachers of his. One of which he slept at his house and woke to his former teacher petting him on the head. He really has no guidance on where to go and is messed up in his own world of emptiness.
There is always this transition in life from innocence to experience. When you are a little toddler, you are innocent. You don’t know left and right just like you don’t know right and wrong. People always go through this change but it’s the people who want to go back who are just as confused as the toddlers. It’s almost like war. When you kill all of these people, can you ever go back to just being normal? The answer is yes but it might take all of your sanity to get there. This is what happened to Holden Caulfield. He drinks and smokes and is already in the experienced world only at the age of twelve. His body and the way he acts is like he has already graduated from college. Holden is fighting to get back to the innocent world but at times veers from the track. He is on his way and is using all of his power to get there and is slowly headed towards insanity.
Holden is trying to get back to a regular life that he should be living. But the path back is not an easy one. He is caught in the world of experience in which he cannot find his way out. He does not know where to go and everywhere he turns is a dead end. The road from innocence to experience is not an easy road but to go from experience to innocence could cost you your sanity or even your life. We don’t think about everybody that is on the road back and Holden is caught in this. Nobody really realizes what his goal is to get back to. Holden is fighting to get back and is slowly going towards insanity every moment of his life. He is trying to move back to where he was and where he wants to be but has gone astray from the hidden trail.
The trail that Holden is on is one of great struggle and a path of seclusion. He tries to turn for people to help him but he is on his own. It is like the world is empty. He has nobody to help guide him on his journey back to his real life. The life he really wants to live. He tries to turn for help but there is nobody who is in that same state of mind. He is slowly working his way back but in turn, losing his grip on sanity. He looks left and right, up and down and finds nowhere to go. Holden is confused and looks for help everywhere but finds nothing and slowly dips his way into insanity. He has nowhere to turn and nobody to go to for help to guide him on his way back to where he wants to go. He is caught on the boarder of innocence and experience and loses his sanity with his trip.
Holden’s life is a pile of just mess. He doesn’t know where to go or where to turn. Nowhere to turn in his life as he fights his way back but doesn’t realize he is slowly going insane. He makes his trip back to innocence but while on his way, goes back to the mindset of a toddler. His journey back to innocence has been made but with the price of his sanity.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Hope
This piece is a response to the book Fahrenheit 451 which is a dystopic vision of the world. This piece talks about how hope is in our lives everyday and everywhere. This is an ironic novel that in the end, has a comic twist. It goes back to a good world. The world that everyone is use to living in. The text shows that hope is in our lives every day that we live and keeps us alive every waking moment.
The hope we need is a necessity with all of the struggles we face. Sometimes, we just turn the other cheek and don’t pay attention to what the real goal in life is. We think too much in the future that we need hope to keep our present stable. The book Fahrenheit 451 shows us that. It teaches us to stop looking into the future and live life to its fullest every day, for any day might be the last. Hope helps us survive the world, and saves us from death every moment of our lives.
In Montag’s life, hope shines like the sun in the light blue sky. Montag is in the dim stages of life that the world is in. Montag thinks he’s living his life how it should be. That’s when hope steps in. He is met by Clarisse and Clarisse makes him think about the life that he’s living. Clarisse asks him questions that eventually make him think, does he really want to live his life in the dust? Hope talks to Montag and helps him through his rough times. It makes him open his eyes to the world and accept that the life that he is living is wrong. He goes through a pattern every day. It is as if his life has already been set on what he is going to do and he isn’t the one that set his sights on what he is going to do. He has no control over his own life. Hope then shines through to start a new beginning. He goes through life now with an open mind and an open heart to new ideas, and to new ways of.
Bradbury makes his world seem completely and totally in chaos and is seen right away as an irony. All hell has broken lose in this place that Bradbury conveys as our world. Bradbury makes it as though there is no hope in Montags life. No solution to all of his problems. Bradbury is a contrarian who is someone who goes against the usual. The Greeks would have said Montag would have to die in his cold life but Bradbury turns this story and makes it good at the end. He takes the whole ironic set and turns it around. The need for destruction is something that exists in the world. Sometimes there is a need for destruction. Hope shines at the end of this book. He takes Montag’s life and flips it for the better. Montag is living in a world of completely chaos and Bradbury takes Montag’s life and makes it for the better and start a new beginning.
Hope shines in places that we would never think of. Bradbury puts hope in some places that we would consider unusual. It shines on many places including the scene where the lady decides to burn with her books. Montag realizes that it isn’t just about what we have. We need to expand our imagination. When he has books in his house and Beatty decides to let him keep the books for a couple of days to show Montag how useless they are. But probably the most unusual place is during the bombing of the city. Bradbury utilizes something that is considered dangerous and bad and turns it into something good. He uses the bomb as something good and not evil. He shows the need for destruction. He makes the hope shine in destruction and torture and portrays it as something that is useful and good.
The book also relates to Plato’s Allegory of the Cave. The story goes that people just look at shadows and flames as they are chained to the wall. One guy breaks away from his chains and goes outside the cave and sees the sun and goes back to tell the others and they kill him saying there is no such thing. This is the way things are and this is the way they will always be. Montag can be seen as the guy who walks out of the cave and tries to shares his thoughts with the world. He ends up being chased and if caught, killed. Montag tries to make people think about if they are living the lives that they really want to be living.
Hope is the reason Montag is still alive in the world that he lives in. His world is a messed up world with treachery and terror. It is a dystopic world with everything that bad that you could possibly think of. This shows when Montag is running away from the government when he kills Beatty. There are people all around but nobody seems to notice Montag weaving in and out of danger. Bradbury tries to implicate that there is always hope in your life. There is always something to work for. Hope is something one thing that keeps you alive from day to day. It shows you that love is there and is the reason why you are still living your life and still fighting to stay alive.
Hope shines in our life whether we realize it or not. We don’t realize when hope is there and when it’s not. It’s all around us and we are just use to it. We don’t realize that hope is in our lives every day everywhere. Anytime we need it, we have it. It is like our right hand man. It saves us from death and evil, and everything in between.
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